WTFEntertainment

It’s been a while since I’ve posted due to being stuck at work and doing that real life thing. In fact I am at work right now… but that’s besides the point. The point is something so attrocious has been building up in me. We all hate most remakes, anyone who is a true film fan does. I’ve come to accept that Hollywood runs out of original ideas on a regular basis and has to go back to the well.

For every 300 there is a Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), for every Grindhouse there is a Hitcher… that’s fine. They will be remaking films until the end of time. It’s a hard thing to accept but I do accept it. However… pointless sequels… they have a whole other air about them that rubs me the wrong way. I mostly ignored these until very recently. As I was parusing one of my favorite websites of all time, Dread Central, a wave of hate flowed over me like a downpoor of blood from the sky; a good idea in concept that will completely fall apart and die as you read this article below:

Fans who have been waiting for someone to finally get off their asses and make a sequel to Beetlejuice can rest a bit easier tonight; word has come down that one is finally in the works over at Warner’s home video line. The rest of us can be left to wonder why.

Moviehole got a press release from the Warner Australia arm indicating some new direct-to-DVD sequels being planned for the near future and Beetlejuice was the most interesting of the bunch. Michael Keaton will likely not be back, Tim Burton will not be directing, but somehow they’ll continue on with the story of the Ghost With the Most.

I just hope it’s not the damn Beetlejuice Goes to Hawaii story they were discussing a few years back; that just sounded lame as hell. We’ll do some digging and see what more we can find out about the sequel, but you can also look forward to new sequels for Under Siege, Space Jam, Training Day and Dark Castle movies to go in front of cameras this year, as well.

Now why does this bother me so much? The chances of Michael Keaton reprising the role are pretty much next to nothing, especially because they are DTV releases. This also means the budget will be nil and some random unknown director will be trying to copy Tim Burtons style. Even the cartoon was a great show that still kept the feel of the show, while changing the format slightly to make Beetlejuice more kid friendly. It worked because it felt natural, that after his great defeat at the hands of Lydia Dietz that he would just want to become friends and hope that someday he could escape the afterlife.

It was a fun show that had a lot going for it… during its life on Nick and subsequent afterlife on Cartoon Network; it seemed that it was a fitting end to the character overall… but now… NOW they want to do DTV sequels?! WTF?! Why not do them sooner — get Michael Keaton back! He *IS* Beetlejuice. His manic crazy, yet charming ways were what made the movie the classic it is today… please just stop, no one wants to see a shitty DTV sequel to Beetlejuice… Nobody.

Popularity: 100% [?]

I have been a champion for television for as long as I can remember. I love the medium and I have been at the forefront of applauding shows that really push the boundaries and show what episodic entertainment can do. I have watched with wonder and even a little pride as shows like Twin Peaks, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Supernatural tell incredibly complex stories though fantasy and allegory. Stories that “mainstream” television can’t seem to tell as well. I don’t know what it is about genre shows that allows for more forward thinking but it’s a phenomenon that I’ll save for another column. Today I want to take a look at a few shows that are “on the bubble” (an industry term meaning that their future is uncertain).

First I want to say I’m not a big fan of the modern sitcom. To me no other half hour program has come close to matching the brilliance of Redd Foxx on Sanford and Son. That isn’t to say I can’t enjoy a sitcom, I just won’t care about it like I do hour long dramas. There have been exceptions to the rule, most notably That 70’s Show. This season brought the first sitcom in quite some time that had me engaged in the characters journeys and actually anticipating the next episode. The creators of The Class took a big risk with its odd premise. Ethan Haas (Jason Ritter) throws an impromptu party and invites as many members of his third grade class as he can find with the intention to propose to his girlfriend who he met in that class. The premise is a little stupid honestly. Who in the world would even come to that party? The answer is one of the most interestingly diverse casts I’ve seen on a sitcom is a number of years. The writing is witty and clever and the situations we find these cast members in are funny and awkward and most of the time completely void of the typical sitcom cliche’s. Its an amazing feat that I would not have thought possible. The first season ended a few weeks ago with a number of cliffhangers, some more contrived that others but all standard sitcom fare. Having a half hour comedy that I felt was something beyond the norm end so hackneyed rubbed me a little wrong. I had faith however that the writers of this show could pull out some interesting twists next season. I sincerely hope that show is given the chance to go to new places and not be dropped like so many other truly creative and intelligent shows.

Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip was without a doubt the best, brightest, smartest surprise of this season. The show has an amazing with and intelligence you just don’t see on network television (except Gilmore Girls but I’ll touch on that in a minute). No other hour of television this season touched me as much as the Christmas episode of Studio 60. Without being heavy handed or overly melodramatic it managed to strike a chord about what Christmas really means to people. I’ve gone back and re watched that episode more than any other. It was a beautiful and moving piece of television and that kind of heart and impact should not be ignored and cast aside. Aaron Sorkin has proven his worth and fan reaction, while not showing in the ratings, has been overwhelmingly positive.

What in the hell is wrong with the CW? I know reality shows bring in ratings, are cheap to produce and make a bunch of money but why turn your network into “The Boob Channel”? I do, on occasion, watch America’s Next Top Model. I understand how hard these girls work and I see the reason behind capitalizing on that shows success with the Pussycat Dolls reality show. What I don’t see is canceling one of the best hour long dramas on television because girls dancing in their underwear gets strong ratings. Veronica Mars is in serious trouble and I don’t think her super sleuthing powers are going to help her in this instance. It stands to reason that if television networks were actually concerned about creating diverse and entertaining television they would make allowances for shows that are both critically praised and beloved by fans. Sadly while every network will tell you they want to make great television for the most part they are all content to only get behind those programs that make them a fortune no matter how horrible they are. If Veronica gets canceled it will be due to simple greed. Why have an intelligent show on that gets ok ratings when scantily clad girls filmed by college kids would sell far more advertising?

Which brings me to the biggest mess I’ve seen in television in a while. Before the WB and UPN merged into the CW, the creators of the WB’s much loved Gilmore Girls asked the unthinkable. They wanted to extend their contract beyond one year. Among actors this is a standard practice and the Palladinos felt as if they had earned the right to be guaranteed a spot on the roster. The network of course balked at the proposal and the Palladinos left the show in the hands of capable people. While the show has been decent this season the magic the Palladinos brought to it is gone. Why couldn’t they have the same length contracts as the shows stars? I have no idea. I don’t know how network execs decide anything. What I do know is the Gilmore’s lagging creativity isn’t what has it in danger, its the reluctance of series star Alexis Bledel to sign her contract. Because Alexis is stalling the other series star Lauren Graham is also holding out. What are they holding out for? I honestly have no idea but I hope its a return of the Palladinos.

Popularity: -2% [?]

Soon after the end of his long running children show, Gumby finally felt he could let out the dark secret that had been haunting him for years. He began a relationship with an unamed professional wrestler. Everything was great at first but things soon changed…..

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The Simpson family, long known for their Television series, has spawned countless merchandise including clothing, video games, bedding, etc. for the past 18 years. Since their start on the Tracy Ullman show they have won the hearts of America and became the longest running television show of it’s kind. They have been hard at work bringing the new Simpson’s Movie to life as of late and it has been rumored that this notoriety and the pressure of Hollywood has been getting to the family.

Early Monday morning at 8:32 AM, Television’s favorite eternally young baby; Maggie Simpson was arrested on charges of Drug Trafficking when local law enforcement found a secret compartment in her bedroom. The drugs weighed 135.4kg and included 384,000 tablets and 20kg in powder form, the street value around $20M. This brought the question to authorities of where the drugs initially originated from.

Early rumors pointed towards the drugs being imported in by Miss Simpsons long time accomplice and closest confidant Morris Szyslak, owner of Moe’s Tavern, and known Bootlegger. Maggie is no stranger to Moe’s and is often seen there with her father, Homer Simpson.

You may remember Maggie’s previous controversy’s including the attempted murder of both her own father, and Millionaire C. Montgomery Burns. While she was acquitted of all charges relating to these two events it became very evident that Maggie was not quite done with her criminal activity. What makes this all the more tragic is that her loving family apparently could not be reached for comment on this event. However an anonymous photo did come into our offices earlier today which shows that the accused Maggie Simpson maybe simply be a cover for the true story behind the drugs.

When asked for a comment on the photograph Simpson’s lawyer, Lionel Hutz, only had the following words to say.

“We all know that the Simpson’s have had their fair share of controversy over the years, I am sure as their Lawyer that everything will iron itself out slowly and that my clients will be acquitted of all charges. Miss Maggie Simpson has nothing to do with the Ecstasy that was confiscated and I have the evidence to make sure all charges are dropped. As for the photo that was released to press earlier, my clients have given me the following statement. “no comment”. Which as you can see proves that the photo is obviously doctored and fake in every way.”

As you can see in the picture there is a substantial amount of Ecstasy in a pile next to Miss Maggie Simpson. This along with her constant use of a pacifier lead to a drug problem that could have been going on for 17+ years. Experts say that Maggie may have been held hostage by her family over the years and fed her the drugs to keep her in line and dependent on the family so that they could continue the show.

More on this story as it develops.

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Captain America is dead. The headline has trickled out of the ream of Marvel comics and out into the mainstream media including Newsweek, NY Daily News and the most prestigious of news outlets, the Colbert Report with Stephen Colbert. The shock of Captain America’s death has left us all reeling but a more important question is who will now become the living embodiment of America? Marvel released the following image from an upcoming issue of Punisher War Journal. Captain America’s headgear is clearly visible and as any astute reader of Civil War can tell you, Frank Castle is the one who picked up Cap’s mask after he surrendered to Iron Man in Civil War #7. The other image is that of journalist Stephen Colbert who it seems was left Cap’s shield in the recently uncovered last will and testament of Steve Rogers. What direction will this take the country in the post Civil War world? Will we follow the gun happy killer of killers the Punisher or the countries #1 source of truthiness? Time will tell.

Popularity: 1% [?]