WTFEntertainment

Tim Burton used to be one of my favorite creative forces in Hollywood. I loved his short films, I loved everything he did up until Planet of the Apes… with the exception of Big Fish… and from there he fell and fell hard. Very hard. I’m sorry. He just did. The Corpse Bride was a shell of a movie with unmemorable songs and paper thin characters. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was self indulgent and worthless (but with great set design!). Big Fish was a great film but not without it’s problems…
Tim Burtons next project is Sweeny Todd which may or may not be worthwhile time will tell.

Well earlier this week Variety announced his next two projects and both of them have me going “meh…”

First up is a remake of Alice in Wonderland; more based on the original novel they say. Well we know how that goes (i.e. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Burton will be combining live action with mo-cap 3D Animation for the film and Disney is putting it out of course.

After that Burton will be going back to the well one more time and putting out a Feature Length version of his 1984 short film “Frankenweenie” which was, honestly, too long to begin with. At around 30 minutes or so the story plodded along at what felt like a snails pace and ended pretty much right where it needed to before it bored the viewer to death…

So expect 60 more minutes of it everyone — with a CG Dog I presume, since they announced as well that it will also be live action and mo-cap 3D Animation just like Alice.

Sorry… just MEH…

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Remake remake remake! If a movie was made about 20 yrs (or less!) ago it will be remade — I unfortunately had to understand this and come to terms with it. Some great directors got their starts in remakes so who knows… either way if any franchise could use a little bit of a reboot I believe it could be Friday the 13th.

Now hear me out before lynching me, hell I want to lynch myself for saying that, I am a die hard Jason fan. I won’t ever deny that however since part 8 came out I’ve been a little embarassed for our hockey masked friend. Jason Takes a Sailboat was wretched, Jason Goes to Hell was barely tolerable, and Jason X… well Hi Jason X how are you…. good. Three bad films in a row — followed by Freddy vs Jason which doesn’t count as a movie in either franchise to me (though I enjoyed it quite a bit.)

What it comes down to is, like Freddy, Jason became a parody of himself time and time again. This was no one person’s fault in general but a combination of a lot of different things that just took the initial terror out of the mask. 8, 9 and X had a big hand in it for sure. Hodder taking the role too seriously might have hurt it. MTV giving Jason a lifetime acheivement award had to have done something… either way Jason isn’t scary anymore to anyone… someone has to bring back Camp Blood.

With that said CHUD.com came out will a little bit of new information about the remake and it has me a bit excited!

Here’s what Devin has to say:

The new Friday the 13th is going to open with Jason as a legend in the Crystal Lake area. Five kids out in the woods looking for a bunch of weed they planted and stumble upon the deserted Camp Crystal Lake. Sitting around the fire that night, the dweeby one (there’s always a dweeby one) tells the legend of Jason Voorhees. After that the Survivor Girl and her boyfriend wander off into the woods, where they find a shitty old cabin. Inside are some clues, like a bed with the name Jason carved in it. An old picture of a girl who looks just like Survivor Girl.

And Mama Voorhees’ head.

Cue Jason. He murderizes the other four kids, and as he grabs Survivor Girl… slam into the opening credits.

This sounds like a terrific way to revive the series. We get right to the point, and it opens damn strong. From there the movie essentially becomes a rehash of the first four movies, but who is going to complain about that? One of the big changes is that the script attempts to explain some of Jason’s supernatural aspects – the script goes out of its way to specify that he’s a human being, not a zombie or a superman – including revealing that our favorite hockey masked killer has a series of hidden tunnels under the woods and the old camp, which is what allows him to pop up at the most inopportune moments.

Sounds good to me — now the only thing that could make this better would be an open casting call for Jason… in which I get the part… just saying. I’m bigger and more intimidating than all the other Jasons combined. Seriously. Ask anyone!

Is anyone over at Platinum Dunes listening?! Forget Ken Kirzinger! Forget Kane Hodder! I am your man!

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